Gracious Speech

Ephesians 4:29 and verses like it address the issue of gracious speech both with prohibitions and with positive direction for what actually should characterize our communication with one another. For example, Ephesians 4:29 says: "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths...." That's a prohibition. The rest of the verse says: "but only what is helpful for building others up, that it may benefit those who listen," which is positive direction for what we should do in place of unwholesome talk.

On Sunday I plan to zero in more on the positive direction the New Testament gives for what should characterize our communication with one another. I plan to use the blog to share a little more detail about the prohibitions.

1 Peter 2:1 says: "Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind." At first brush, only three of the five practices mentioned in this verse seem to relate directly to how we communication. However, on closer examination, I think we'll be able to notice clear links to prohibited communication practices among all five.

For example, malice, as a relational communication behavior, is associated with such things as sarcasm, condemnation, name-calling, and cursing. The original Bible word for malice is kakia, which refers to ill-will or to a desire to injure. Sarcasm can be a form of malicious communication, seeing that sarcasm, by definition involves "cutting, often ironic remarks intended to wound." It is intended to "make its victim the butt of contempt or ridicule."

Obviously not all sarcasm is malicious, some of it can be innocently employed as a tool for injecting humor into a conversation or into some other situation. However the line where innocent uses of sarcasm cross over to malicious uses is quite thin and none of us should assume that we always possess the wisdom to know exactly where that line is. It is better to err on the side of using less sarcasm than more. Proverbs 18:21 says: "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof." Among other things, this verse warns us against being too careless with our words. Carelessness with sarcasm can be deadly. It can wound the hearts of others, while serving as yet another malicious blow suffered at the hands of a cruel world.

One way to judge whether a particular instance of sarcasm is cruel or not is to ask oneself: "Would I like it if someone talked that way to or about me?" The truth is, our own feelings are not always accurate when it comes to judging how others might feel about something we say or do. The real test is to let the true feelings of the others around us be what determines whether our use of sarcasm seems cruel. It is especially important to take the true feelings of the target into consideration.

Finally, the best test of all is to ask: "Is this sarcastic remark helpful? Is it gracious? Does it build others up? Or is it tearing someone down?" The Bible rarely allows us the luxury of simply not violating prohibitions. There always seems to be a positive, a practice that takes us farther up the path of being the kind of person God wants us to be. In the case of sarcasm, it seems we should not settle for simply not cutting up others with biting, malicious speech. We should use speech to make a positive contribution to their lives. More about this on Sunday.