Overcoming Dysfunctional Relationship Behaviors

In our continuing study of the impact of the Fall on our relationships with God and with others, we have discovered from the NT Book of James three characteristics of all dysfunctional relationship behaviors (see James 3:15). First, they are earthly; that is, they are characteristic of a fallen, sin-cursed world. Second, they are unspiritual (literally, soulish); that is, they are a type of existence that does not reflect having the image of God stamped on it. Third, they are demonical; that is, they are the kinds of behaviors we would expect to find among demons and being spread by them.

Earthly, soulish, and demonical – doesn’t sound very praiseworthy, does it? And yet, unfortunately, these are what we fight against given our own natural tendencies ever since the Fall.

So what can we do about destructive relationship behaviors? The first prescription I mentioned in passing two Sundays ago is suggested by the original word for soulish in James 3:15. As indicated, this word refers to a type of existence that does not reflect having the image of God stamped on it. The word also suggests that dysfunctional relationship behaviors originate in the deepest recesses of a person’s being; that is, in his or her soul. In other words, we’re not talking about personality issues, but rather about heart issues.

And this is why I say, the term soulish suggests the first and most important prescription for correcting dysfunctional relationship behaviors. For people to gain victory over the natural tendencies toward dysfunctional relationship behaviors, they must first undergo a heart change. Such a change is possible only through faith in Jesus Christ.

Prior to place faith in Christ, our hearts were dead in trespasses and sins (see Ephesians 2:1-5). This means that our hearts were not responsive to God and his influence. We were in the habit of yielding to the power and influence of original sin, which took up residence in our flesh when we came into existence (see Romans 7:14-20). Another way to say all of this is to say that the sinful impulses that reside in our flesh were controlling our relationships, both with God and with others. Consequently, we engaged in dysfunctional relationship behaviors and were utterly powerless on our own to do anything about it.

But when we became believers in Christ, our hearts were made alive (once again, see Ephesians 2:1-5). We were given new hearts, as it were, which are responsive to God and his influence, and which are empowered by him to rule over the sinful impulses that reside in our flesh. This means we are empowered by God to gain victory over dysfunctional relationship behaviors. We are empowered by God to love him and others truly.

Keep in mind, when we love God and others, we act in ways that are exactly opposite of the ways that Adam and Eve acted after the Fall. Tomorrow, I will write more about what it means to love God and others in relation to the second prescription the Bible gives to us for overcoming dysfunctional relationship behaviors. In the meantime, just in case someone is reading this who has never made the decision to place faith in the Lord Jesus to become a Christian, please understand: Without first placing faith in Christ, your heart will not be powerful enough on its own to overcome the natural tendency toward dysfunctional relationship behaviors. If the decision to place faith in Christ is what you need or want to do, I would be delighted to talk with you further. Feel free to contact me at the church, my home, or via email.